if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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