my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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