apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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