How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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