when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
