The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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