Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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