I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
