That's intense
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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