Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
