Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
