When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
