Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up under a house in Key West
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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