i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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