My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
