She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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