meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
