This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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