my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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