So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
