No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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