you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
