Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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