I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
FUCK WHALES
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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