White coat. Heels.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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