I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
