do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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