So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
