Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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