I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
