i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
