On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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