Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
