no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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