if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
