Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
