Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
