Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
