I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
