does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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