a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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