in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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