i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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