Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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