Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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