I hate your face
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
