Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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