She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
