everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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