i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
