Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think my tv is drunk
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
