So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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