if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
