Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
