i think my tv is drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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