You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize