You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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