Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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