fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
