you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
