dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
