You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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