Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
