...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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