I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The beer is more important than you right now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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