Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
