Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
